When The Winners Are Losing.
“I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.”
In and out of our formative years, we humans ‘learn’ a few things that help us ‘survive’ i.e. protect our self worth – often in not necessarily healthy ways..
- Be Right – Make Others Wrong. To be right all the time we have to invest a significant amount of energy making others wrong. While we are doing this clarity and possibility escapes us as ours minds are occupied with swirling righteous thoughts. Meanwhile opportunities for empathy and connection drift off out the office window.
- Dominate Others – Avoid Domination. Kindergarden soons teaches us (as does our survival of the fittest DNA) that it’s safer to be on top, being in charge, in control or even being popular. However, the boardroom or the Project Office is not kindergarten and collaboration is no place for constant one upmanship, popularity contests and dominating egos. Most folks resist domination by walking away – not calling it out.
- Justify yourself – Invalidate others. Constant justification of our acts and omissions is frankly exhausting for those around us. When we can roll on the edge of the coin and recognise that both sides of it can carry a valid viewpoint or position then our engagement with others is multiplied.
- Win – Avoid losing. The need to win at all costs and in all situations—when it matters, when it doesn’t, and when it’s totally beside the point. You’ll know you have become wise and sage when you catch yourself deciding which battles you have to win and which to let go (to win the war so to say). The men need to pay real attention to this.