Sometimes Losing Is Really Winning.

I had a row with my wife last night. Of course, we were both right – except I was more right than Talane…

This morning, having collected my thoughts in the cold light of the gym, I realised winning this argument and ‘being right’ was really a losing strategy.

I, we us, the immediate relationship would have a much bigger future if I ‘choose to lose’.

So Tesco Express flowers in hand, I went home, apologised for being an arse and all is restored to a healthy place.

You see winning is often losing dressed up to impress the ego and tick off the feeling of self righteousness and gaining the one up man-ship.

What cost winning the point, being right, argument or debate?

• Someone will be left with resentment – resentment poisons relationships and inflicts serious damage on those carrying it.
• You may have beat me this time, but I’ll be watching for opportunities to get you back…
• Short term gain – long term pain. This day, this week, I’ll feel good –  but this is a ten year B2B framework I’m in. How will this win support us being together in the long game?
• Forgiveness is for the strong – the weak can never forgive.

The pay off of losing

• Maybe its another ego thing, but it feels liberating to get over your self and ones limiting behaviour.
• No ones lost – we both won. How grown up is that.
• Humility in action is a powerful force and bonder of people.
• Speed, pace, action. Right, OK, we are over that oh so human stumble – now lets get on with the job.
• Modelling collaboration imperatives to our teams is a pretty crucial responsibility.

Do you know the most important thing about me choosing to lose on this occasion? My kids could see that adults do sometimes fight, that sometimes they get it all wrong, but then they recover by deploying humility, forgiveness, graciousness, clean things up and get back on track. In the Fox household we call it ‘learning how to fight’. Recognising that real relationships are sticky and tricky and that contention is inevitable and the winning formula is to have a plan for that.

Where are you currently winning, but are actually losing and how could that be turned around to a big opportunity?

 Image by Param Sandhu